Top X Ways You Know You Are In An Unhealthy Relationship

October 5, 2009

It takes wisdom to recognize when you are in an unhealthy relationship and takes great courage to actually throw in the towel. Failure is being in a loveless relationship that cripples the very essence of your being. Success is knowing what is healthy for you and what you deserve and going after it. Life is too short to just “coast” through a relationship. Stop being a passenger and grab hold of the wheel. It’s never too late to start over again and to get what you deserve; love and happiness.

10. Tit for tat: When your relationship (conscious or unconsciously) becomes “I do this for you, you do this for me,” your relationship is running on an empty tank. A healthy relationship does not spawn from a checklist mentality but from the natural desire to just want to take care of and do things for each other.

9.  Dead end: If you are in a relationship where your partner sees no need for personal growth in order to decrease weaknesses, than you’re dealing with a blockade. Some people will live in a gray area to justify or cloud their destructive or negative ways.  A brave person will confront not run away from the good and bad in themselves. Consistent individual progress is very crucial to a healthy relationship w/o it; it’s only a matter of time before you hit a dead end.

8.  No effort no interest: The person you love should be willing and wanting to get to know the people you love and the things you love. It’s not normal if the only effort and interest they show in your life is only when it is about you and them or only you. If your partner is not interested in the things that make you who you are, then it’s only a matter of time before they do not care about you.

7.  Alter who you are: You should not be fighting or trying really hard for someone to accept and love you.  Single and joint growth is a very important part of the relationship.  It is not normal when your partner is bent on completely changing who you are and does not accept your positive quirks, your personality and the things that make you unique. If they don’t accept you now, they never will.

6.  All talk no action: Love is a verb. When you love someone you don’t just say it you manifest the word. It is in the way you look at them, the way you listen to them, the way you touch them, the way you show and treat them. Saying “I love you” means nothing without action.

5.  I come bearing gifts: If your way or your partners’ way of expressing “I Love you” or “I’m sorry” ALWAYS or MOSTLY comes in the form of a gift instead of actually talking things out, you are not solving your issues. Hoarding your issues and not showing or telling someone how you truly feel will only create a false sense of security.

4.  Comfortably uncomfortable: Staying in an unhealthy relationship because you are “comfortable” or “used to it” is probably the worst reason to stay. Foremost reasons like your “afraid to be alone” or you’ve shared “time” or “friends” or “assets,” should be the number one, not last reason why you should not be together.  If you’re main reason for being with someone is not rooted in respect, happiness and deep love for each other than you need to re-evaluate your definition of comfortable.

3. I’m smiling but I’m really hurt: Always being passive aggressive with your partner is a self-defense mechanism that does not enable your partner to truly know who you are and how you feel. If you’re in a relationship that is not open to expressing honest feelings and are constantly having passive aggressive or sarcastic exchanges than you are destroying your foundation of trust, respect and will eventually drift apart from knowing each other.

2.  Downer trumps upper: It’s not normal to have more downers and unhappy moments in a relationship than happy ones. When every new event presented by life turns into a new reason why someone “can’t” be with you, than they are only finding an excuse to get out of the relationship.  Of course it’s important to work things out but being in a constant long-term state of “trying,” will not suffice. Sometimes failure is staying in something that makes you more stressed than happy.

1. Conflict driven: If your relationship is riddled with fights, big or small, and you cannot be civil and loving in your discourse and find a healthy and normal way to talk about things, than you might be in trouble. When everything i.e. jobs, friends, gifts, family, etc., turns in to an argument, then you are in a conflict driven relationship. Love should not be a stressful and painful ordeal.   If you are hurting all the time or a lot of the time, then it’s about time for you to get out.

3 Responses to “Top X Ways You Know You Are In An Unhealthy Relationship”

  1. seneca said

    It seems that your blog is new and you don’t have that many readers YET!

    You will!

    Rather than post everyday for volume, I like how you take care to write something worthwhile and interesting. It seems that each of your posts is a gem, even though myself and others do not comment on each.

    It’s 4:40 am in Chicago. Of course, I’m up fighting with my girlfriend. Gettin’ tired.

    Don’t change anything!


  2. Sammy said

    This was great! As most readers, I was evaluating myself as I read it. Your writing was simple, yet complex. On the surface, but encouraged the reader to go beneath the surface.


    • Nolia said

      Thank you Sammy for reading my blog. I will be updating soon. Your feedback is really appreciated. Hope all is well with you. Cheers

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