November 7, 2009


 The question is this, what does it mean to be a virgin? It cannot solely be based upon whether a hymen is intact because there are ways outside of sex that it can be broken, i.e. strenuous sports exercise, wearing a tampon, and childhood accidents (monkey bars). The hymen does not determine a virgin rather what determines a virgin on a physical level is someone who has not been involved in sexual intercourse. Being a virgin is not just a state of physicality, it is also a way of thinking and being. I’ve met “virgins” who did everything but sexual intercourse, i.e oral sex, anal sex and/ or kissing/make-out fiends.  Not giving into extreme carnal sexual situations or pleasures, whether it is short or long-term is part of the code of a virgin.

The virgin archetypes originated from Goddesses that were not asexual but from goddesses who expressed their sexuality with control, openness, confidence and shamelessness. They were not slaves to their sexuality or partners and did not find their power in bartering or giving their sexuality away but in keeping it. The virgin, whether man or woman, is one who understand the power of sex and exercises patience, intelligence and faith when going about their relationships and sexual decisions.


 With the exception of using the Artificial Virgin Hymen for life saving purposes, it seems wrong if a woman is using it to trick, deceive or manipulate the truth. The problem is that virginity should not be looked upon as something that can be re-done, as once lost it cannot be restored. That being said, not being a virgin does not mean one cannot be or become virtuous in their ways of sex and relationship dealings. I have friends who have had sex but work towards being more virtuous in their decision making process. When it comes to finding “the one” or maximizing on happiness, even if one has had sex it’s always wise to understand the psychological and emotional affects of promiscuity.  Although the past and some cultures have had and have some extreme and wrong views on virginity, it does not mean that going in the opposite direction is the answer. Happiness and fulfillment generally seem to be attained when things are in balance.

We seem to be living in a time that exists in a state of extreme desensitization and consists of overly exposed sexual images on teenage shows, girls and women who flash their privates at a shot of fame or just to be shallowly admired.  It seems that things happen in reverse nowadays; people have sex then truly meet.  In my eyes, an odd trend and idea that has been spreading to the youth creating baseless relationships upon which   promiscuity is accepted and exalted and virtuousness trivialized.

Take for example this past Halloween my friend and I went to the West Hollywood parade, it was my first time, and although quite enjoyable almost every girl in sight was stripped down in what looked like lingerie parading as costumes. It was sensory overload.  There is nothing wrong with showing your best assets because it makes you feel good, but when you become a walking advertisement, you should not be shocked by what you attract.    Their intent might have been to exude sensuality or sexiness, but  it appeared as a desperate plea for attention, a subconscious void filling ploy to validate their worth by men. I noticed the same with some of the men that night, but it was more present with the women’s costumes. In most of the research I conducted, I found no accounts of the importance of men and virginity or virtuousness in history or in present time. I do think it is unfair that the world has put pressure and an expectation for women to be virginal or virtuous and permit men to not work towards the same ideals. Women just as men deserve to be with a man of great virtue.  When it comes to being sexy, exuding sensuality and sexual courtship, whether you are a man or a woman,more often then none,  more is less and slow but steady will always win the race.

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