Spoken Like a True Lady

February 2, 2013

My sister recently sent me an interview done with Dakota Fanning by  Glamour Magazine for this upcoming March, and I must say I was refreshingly surprised!  To hear someone who stands upon such a large stage, maintain such a refined, confident and introspective concept about dating, was, for lack of a better word, cool.

Since (who knows when it began), there have been so many books and films telling us how to bate, catch and date; like the film, ‘Think Like a Lady act Like a Man,’ whose main premise is to give “insight” into the male mind. Maybe instead of incessantly calculating and game playing, dating everyone who bats an eye at us, and treating men or woman as a cliché and stereotype, we’d find more long-term satisfaction in dealing with people on a one-on-one human to human basis.

I realize that there are stereotypes that are true and that for some, reading these books, and watching these films “helps” them navigate the dating world, but I think that all this time people spend dating others should be mostly split with time dating oneself. I’m not suggesting everyone take themselves to a dinner and movie every night (although on occasion not a bad idea), only, that the more you are truly acquainted with yourself, the less you would need to browse the book store to know what types of books you like.  I’m not saying dating is bad, in fact for some, it’s the only way they distinguish between what they want and don’t want.  I just think that less is more, and that in the end, it should really be about the quality of humans that you are selecting in-verse of the quantity. The fact is,  if you get to truly know yourself really well, you won’t have to sift through so many people because you will know what you want when you meet it.

I suppose, in the world of pastries it would be tantamount to knowing that your tongue and tummy prefer to eat a delectable Crème brûlée over a bowl with a potpourri of 100 different types of sweets. While a Crème brûlée does take longer to make then a bunch of cookies, it is well-worth the wait.  Or as my sister says when we are at restaurants deciding on which dessert, “Why am I going to eat a bunch of jello when I know I want Crème brûlée. Even though I’m hungry, I’ll wait for the best desert.”



Knowing what you want and waiting for it, will lend quicker to a satisfied palate, and perhaps is the best recipe for an everlasting love. The truth is, there’s nothing silly, strange, or naive about a perspective that sits in the belly of knowing who you are,  what you want and waiting for exactly that. I find her answer to be quite temperate and thoughtful in a world that can be so quick, sticky and gluttonous. Perhaps I’ll sum it up with words of Saint Augustine, who said it best with,” Patience is the companion of wisdom”

The following is an excerpt from Glamour Magazine:

Dakota Fanning may be entwined in “The Twilight Saga” franchise, but she has nothing to do with any of the romantic drama that surrounds many of its other stars off-camera. In fact, she doesn’t even date.

“I don’t really date,” the 18-year-old says in the March issue of Glamour.

Wait, what?! What kind of teenager isn’t interested in dating?

“I have a weird vision of relationships because my parents have known each other since second grade, and they got married right out of college,” she explains. “I’ve always thought that’s what it’s supposed to be like, and if it’s not, then I don’t want to waste my time on it. Even when I was 14, I was like, ‘I’m not gonna marry this person. What’s the point of doing it?’ It’s not me being naive. I just know what it’s supposed to be like. And I think until I feel that, I cannot be bothered.”

Ever the surprising young woman, Dakota also credits her 14-year-old sister, Elle, as being an inspiration.

“She’s very uninhibited and will try pretty much anything,” Dakota says. “Even the way she dresses — she dresses totally for herself. She risks being made fun of … by me, which I sometimes do, because I’m an older sister! But I totally admire her and think she’s very cool.”



It’s NEW!  I Guess, that means.. I need It?

These next few weeks if you plan to go to the mall, you might see a volley of iPhone 5 ravenously hungry customers wrapped around the Apple stores. Opening weekend, Apple sold $5 million iPhone 5’s in three days and according to Barclays, Apple may sell 45.2 million iPhones in the December quarter and 170.7 million through next September. My question is, why?! Ok, so my knowledge of the new phone extends to a small excerpt I listened to on Conan O’ Brien the other day where a gadget expert said the biggest difference between this one and the old phone is it’s thinner, has a bigger screen, a panoramic camera and is much quicker.  I get that it’s technologically more advanced than the last, as was the one before, and the one before, but just because it’s new doesn’t mean we need it.  Not to say I don’t own things I don’t need, but the problem is not in having things you want and don’t need, the problem is we are becoming numbingly comfortable with the excessiveness of the things we don’t need at the cost of the things we do.

We are nurturing our obsessive like relationships with technology over our relationship with others and worst off, ourselves. Now, I’m not one of those people who’s completely adverse to technology, and think things would be better if we went back to “snail mail” times; I just think we have abandoned some much needed balance and have confused movement for progress. One of the main reasons many of the great empires of the world fell were because they were technologically and industrially advancing faster than the emotional and psychological human development.

Once upon a time, the wait to get a message from a love one or friend would take as long as weeks or even months, which means patience, faithfulness and the integrity of one’s word was crucial, because you had one time to leave that impression and express a sentiment before you would get a reply. Even before cell phones, when landlines were all we had, if you told someone you were meeting them somewhere, you’d have to be sure, because once you or they left the house there was no way to re-schedule or be late without looking tacky or inconsiderate.  Lucky or maybe unlucky for us, we live in an age where you can get a reply or change your plans within seconds. So what I don’t get, is if we’ve decreased the time it takes to get a message,  you’d think we’d be less apt to jump to conclusions if we don’t get a text within two minutes of sending one,  you’d think we’d be bully less, we would know our friends better, you’d think we’d honor commitments more,  that the divorce rate would be way less than 50% (75% in California), you’d think that people’s social graces and manners would be more intact, you’d think people would be just overall more knowledgeable and more compassionate, you’d think.

I mean we really have it good, at the click or vocal command of a button, we can send someone a message! Could you imagine the hysteria that would ensue if we had to use the old fashioned ways of connecting such as camels, dogs, horses, pigeons, and reindeers, not to mention boats?!  To deliver mail in Alaska in 1899 they used reindeers. In Canada and Alaska from 1896-1903 they used dogs to pull their sleds, and in Australia, Afghan cameleers would take around 4 weeks on a 520 kilometer journey.  As for the main carriers of mail throughout the world since ancient times, horses and homing pigeons were used to delivered government, war news and personal messages.

Sorry I gotta’ interrupt this article real quick, hold on.  Let me, just, finish my text real quick and I’ll umm, get back to my point, you can keep talking though, I’m listening really I am….

Wait where was I, oh ok, right, so today we have phones, Facebook, twitter, and a number of other social networking sites whose  major intent, I do believe are to connect people, but like any great tool, it is in how it is utilized that makes it a thing of creation or a thing of destruction within a civilization.  According to Digital Buzz Blog, 87% of the world’s populations are currently mobile subscribers, 48% of young people in 2011 got their news through Facebook, and over 700 Billion minutes a month are spent on Facebook with 48% of 18-34 year olds checking as they awake.  I am not saying get rid of these things, I have Facebook, twitter, a blog, a computer, and a good phone, but they don’t take the place of good old fashioned communication and human interactions nor should they be utilize to create a make-belief world. I  must say, that while I do see some of the benefits of this new social revolution and at times participate, it wasn’t without feeling a bit  begrudged over the notion of succumbing to the pressures of  keeping in touch, doing business and networking in an almost paper & email-less world. It’s as if once something is invented people forget how they used to function before.

The problem with Facebook, contemporary phones, eReaders, iPods, iPad, twitter, and our most modern machines is they are not being used as additional ways to connect and inform, an they aren’t  improving our linguistic skills or the quality of the news. Modern technology and this new social revolution are substituting and morphing our tactile day to day interactions with people and events and disconnecting us from reality while injecting us into an “I” driven virtual reality run world.

Burson-Marsteller Global Social Media Check-Up 2012

Aside from ways of keeping in touch, social media sites are often used to sell to others an alternate reality of what one wishes their life would be or what they would like others to think of them via a barrage of status updates or photos of how “awesome” my life is or “how sexy, confident, and independent I am, outside of what you normally see” photos. While we’re on the subject of sexy, taking a photo of yourself in your bathroom mirror, mid-torso up with your shirt off or in a bra with your lips puckered, only advertises  a deep need for public affirmation and attention. In addition, topics like your relationship, whether it’s dribble from a break-up, partner information or sexual information, shouldn’t be reduced to status updates as if there’s nothing private or sacred anymore.

Facebook and twitter give people a stage to be all talk and no action. They redefines bravery and affirms cowardice with a platform for people to speak their minds in ways that they would hardly dare to in person. There was once a time where only the few were given a stage to say something, and when they said it, it would make people think and want to research and find out more. Now, the mystery is gone, the desire to discover others has waned because with the click of a button you can just go into someone’s Facebook and look at their entire life via photos. I feel like it’s the same equivalent of leaving the door to your house open when you’re not home, someone just wonders in and looks through all your stuff, walks out with their assumptions of knowing you and you never knew they were there, but are somehow ok with that. Gone are the days of sitting down with a photo album and laughing as you turn the pages, gone are the days of having to actually work, create or do something worthwhile to get your message heard. Oh and you can forget about love letters, we’ve apparently made it clear that texting “I ‘Heart’ U ‘smiley face,'” does the trick.

Somewhere along the lines, we have linked the word new and faster with better, which is great for companies like Google who annually earn 2.5 Billion in mobile ad revenue convincing you of this.  While we spend our time thinking that it’s a great and efficient idea to manage and contain our world on little digital machines or to allow computers and apps to take the place of people, places and events, we  lose out on the human experience and amplify the hysteric need for stimulation to authenticate and activate our emotions.

I’ve been watching commercials on tv where they advertise groups of friends hanging out online or a young girl introducing her new boyfriend to her father via a web cam or the worst of them all are those Siri personal assistant commercials.The fact is, no amount or ordering digital songs on iTunes will take the place of going to a music store like Tower Records, to listen to and find your favorite CD while you read through the lyrics or even better, making a mixed CD for your buddy or crush. With companies like Redbox and Netflix, future generations will miss out on walking the aisles of  Blockbuster or Hollywood Video whilst reminiscing on old films as they pick up a new one. It is those interactions with people in the stores, in the grocery line or the checkout clerk or even being tutored by a person inverse of a computer or sitting in a library doing research, touching and smelling the history that romantically envelops a  book, that make for some of the most funny, intimate, unplanned and memorable experiences.

This new social revolution is breeding the next generation of kids who are  bored and starved of the beauty and significance of simplicity, nature, imagination, adventure and experience as the new toy is a notebook computer and portable TV’s become backseat babysitters in cars taking coloring books and landscapes out of commission. One thing is for sure, all this text talking and technological reliant behavior is totally killing the classic story elements that made films like these so timeless: ‘Say Anything,’ ‘High Fidelity,’Three Amigos,’ ‘Working Girl,’ ‘Sixteen Candles,’ ‘When Harry Met Sally,’ ‘She’s Having a Baby,’ ‘Goonies,” ‘Ferris Buller’s Day Off,’ and  ‘Princess Bride.’

In a society where everything is revealed and patience is at an all-time low, gone are the days of heightened mystery and intrigue and taking the time to actually, with a marinated palpable attentiveness, get to know someone or something outside of an app or website.

You see, with all that time we supposedly saved, no one really seems to use it to stop, bask, see, feel and truly, smell the roses.